The Gift of Being Fully Recovered From My Eating Disorder on My Wedding Day
Hi, friends! I’m here to share some exciting news - Easton and I got married this summer! It was truly the most amazing day of my life. I can’t even count the number of times I’ve scrolled through our wedding album on my phone - it’s a day I want to relive over and over again!
I had dreamed of our wedding day for many years. I met my husband in college where it was pretty common for students to get engaged their junior or senior year, often getting married right after graduation. Part of me wanted to get married then too… but I’m so glad we waited. In college, I was in the depths of my eating disorder.
While I was in recovery, I remember imagining what it would be like to marry my best friend. For the most part, it filled me with joy and excitement. But I also remember being worried about wedding dress shopping and wondering how I would feel about my body. I was terrified that it would spark an urge to want to lose weight and possibly even lead to a relapse . We’re constantly inundated by brides going on the latest diets, and I didn’t know what that would look like for me during my own recovery journey.
At that time, I was in a weekly meal support group. One day, the Executive Director of the program came to speak with us about her recent wedding. She had recovered from an eating disorder and I’m so thankful she shared her experience with us.
Instead of the typical diet talk you might hear from other brides, she spoke about resilience, body acceptance, and self-compassion. She didn’t do anything to change her body before her wedding, and more importantly, she didn’t even have the desire to try.
I was…amazed. I couldn’t quite comprehend what that would be like. Acceptance. Acceptance of her body. Acceptance of who she was as a person. I never experienced that feeling before and I didn’t understand how it could be possible for someone like me. I remember sitting in the group thinking, “yea, that’s amazing for her, but I’ll never be able to feel that way about my body, especially right before my wedding.”
Fast forward many years later. I’m recovered. Happy. Loving life. Practicing self-compassion and body acceptance. Helping others heal their relationship with food and their bodies as a recovery coach. And on the beach in Naples, Florida - where Easton asked me to be his girlfriend 10 years earlier - he proposed! It was absolutely magical and one of the best moments of my life. I said yes, and there we were, about to begin a new chapter in our lives.
During our engagement, I experienced something my younger self couldn’t comprehend: body acceptance, even in the time leading up to my wedding. After recovering from my eating disorder, I had experienced acceptance, appreciation, and kindness towards my body that I never thought would be possible. Despite what my younger self thought, nothing changed when I got engaged.
In the year leading up to our elopement, I took care of myself and my body. I had no desire to change it. And it allowed me to be truly present during this special time in our relationship.
I fell in love with a dress that fit my body, not the other way around. I focused on love and our relationship, instead of critiquing the parts of my body that my younger self wanted to change.
Our wedding day was everything I could have dreamed of and so much more. We eloped in the French Riviera just the two of us for an intimate ceremony. Then we spent our honeymoon in Italy. For 10 days, we ate out for every meal and immersed ourselves in the culture.
I experienced freedom and flexibility with food that my younger self couldn’t even imagine. I ate chocolate croissants in my wedding dress in between photos at the beach. I wanted to soak up every moment of the day because I was just so happy to marry the love of my life. And we truly did have the best day because I was nourished, present, and fulfilled.
The last time I was in Europe, I was in the depths of my eating disorder (before I even knew I had one). Our wedding trip was a chance for me to change the narrative - to write a different part of my story. It was a symbol of everything we’ve both worked so hard to achieve over the years and an opportunity to celebrate this next chapter in our lives, just the two of us.
I wish I could go back to that meal support group and tell my younger self what my wedding day would look like. That I would marry my best friend. That I would feel so at peace with myself and my body. That I would love so deeply. That there are so many more important things in this world than the size of my body. I wish I could tell my younger self to be kind to herself, to see what’s right in front of her, and to notice joy in ordinary moments. I wish I could tell her that life is short - live and don’t look back.
I’m not sure I would have believed it then, but I’m so thankful I experienced the gift of being fully recovered on my wedding day. Our marriage isn’t defined by my past struggles, but by our strength, growth, and commitment to embracing a future filled with love, joy, and self-compassion.
Hey there, I’m Lizzie, a CCI Certified Eating Disorder Recovery Coach working with clients virtually worldwide. I help individuals heal their relationship with food and their bodies through day-to-day behavior changes and goal setting.
